


A Statistical Analysis of Swing State Voting Patterns (3,200 pages, including 781 detailed diagrams)

by Tish



Category: Veep
Genre: Bad Puns, Cunnilingus, F/M, Gen, Hate Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 20:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4579092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frenemies to fuck buddies, a guy can dream, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Statistical Analysis of Swing State Voting Patterns (3,200 pages, including 781 detailed diagrams)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Diaphenia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaphenia/gifts).



“My numbers are looking pretty good. In fact, I'm predicting a massive swing.” Dan's face was punch-worthy smug.

Amy blinked slowly, thoroughly unimpressed. “Massive, hmm-mm. I bet.”

Dan rested his teeth along his bottom lip in a half-smile and replied, “Indeed. Surging upward, throbbing.” He held out his hands to indicate the massive throbbing-ness.

Melissa Harris-Perry interrupted his mime act, a quizzical eyebrow raised on behalf of the few cable news viewers not already succumbed to boredom. “I must admit that I've never heard poll numbers referred to as _throbbing_?”

Amy valiantly refrained from sorting in derision as she jumped in. “Oh, don't forget the margin of error. They say 9 and a half percent when it's really 4 and a half, maybe 5.”

Dan's moved one index finger away from the other several inches and said, “Oh, these polls are firm. Really firm. They've been thoroughly probed from many angles.”

As Harris-Perry launched into another question, Amy folded her hands on the desk and waggled a pinky finger at Dan. He frowned and did his best to ignore the slight on his manhood. He'd have his revenge. Somehow.

 

+++

 

The D.C. Sunday brunch crowd-fest was getting earlier and earlier. Amy claimed a small table and glanced over at a battle of wills going on in a far corner, then scanned the area for any wait-staff she could capture. Instead, she saw Dan peering intently around for any spare seats.

He looked at her and make a mock-sad puppy face. He grinned as she rolled her eyes and waved him over.

“Rescued from starvation by a fair princess in a hoodie.” Dan picked up a menu and skimmed over it as a waiter finally came over.

 

Brunch orders given, both pulled out their life-blood phones, Dan frowned as he glanced over. “You're doing that shoulder thing again. You ever go to the gym, or get a massage?”

“Yeah, I know what massage you'd love to give,” Amy's voice was full of sarcasm.

“No, I didn't mean _that_!” Dan's protest was about 85% genuine. 

Amy looked up mid thumb flex and carefully lowered her shoulders. "Work-outs are a waste of time, there's all this stuff I could be _doing_ instead of lifting a chunk of metal 50 times.”

“I know, but ya gotta de-stress, otherwise you end up looking like Ben by the time you're 40.” Dan was already looking down at his phone, schemes and plans whirling around his brain. He reluctantly put his phone to the side as their meals arrived.

Amy poked around her salad, one hand still death-gripping her phone. “You me, or you general you?”

“Huh? General you you. What I'm saying is this place sucks the life out of people and we have to suck it back in. Deeply.” Dan lifted half an avocado to his lips and sucked at it, meeting Amy's eyes.

Amy skewered a baby carrot and smoothly replied, “Well if anyone knows about sucking, it's you.”

A trademark grin covered Dan's face. “I'll take that as the compliment you surely intended it as.”

 

+++

 

Amy stood in the corridor and rolled the steel stress balls around in her palm, waiting for them to work. She imagined herself in a forest standing in the shadow of a giant Redwood.

A tall shadow loomed over her and she snarled. “Jonah, if you make any stupid remarks about how I'm welcome to grind your balls, I'll shove these so far up your ass you'll have a pair of steel tonsils. You got that?”

Jonah's smirk stood frozen on his face, eyes darting from side to side. “No! I wasn't going to say anything. Uh, I gotta go deliver this very important document. Yeah. Very important. Vital document.” He turned and scurried away, disappeared down a corridor, then returned and disappeared down a cross corridor.

 

Amy had totally forgotten about him and was trying to text while still grinding the balls, a challenge to herself she wasn't willing to back down on.

 

+++

 

“Seems those poll figures were a little on the soft side, Dan.” Amy allowed herself a slight smile as Dan squirmed in his seat.

“They will rebound. There's a lot of energy behind those polls.” Dan found himself sweating under the studio lights.

“Maybe you need a tighter grip on those polls.” Amy nodded at him. "That's something you're well known for in D.C.” 

 

It took about 30 seconds after having their mics removed for Dan to find a storage closet and hustle Amy inside. Almost as soon as he'd shut the door, Amy pulled him into a kiss. He shuffled round to push himself against her and kissed back. Her hands pressed against his pants.

“That poll still feels a little soft. Looks like those numbers need massaging.”

“Are you going to make stupid puns all night?” Dan asked as he gently rubbed the inside of her thigh.

Amy's snort of laughter almost totally deflated him, even under her wandering fingers. “It's definitely not going to take all night. You won't even last two minutes.”

Dan softly hissed into her ear, “I'll ignore that slur about my stamina and remind you that I've got fingers and a tongue.”

Amy's laughter was softer now. “Okay, show me what you've got.”

 

Dan dipped down as she propped herself against a shelf and he took a leisurely tour of Amy's nether regions, slowly tracing up her thighs and pulling down her very unsexy and highly functional underwear. With Amy's skirt piled over his head like a tent, Dan slid his fingers between her legs and pressed his thumb against her clitoris. The excited _oh yes_ he heard spurred him on and his thumb slowly swiped right, then faster and faster. He added two fingers to his handiwork and Amy's yelp of excitement spread a grin of satisfaction over his face.

 

Dan Egan, heroic deep-sea muff diver took a deep breath and set his tongue to work. He imagined himself battling octopus and narwhals to get to the treasure chest hidden in Amy's underwater cave of pearls, or something like that.

 

“Fuck, damn. That's brilliant!” Amy shifted slightly and laughed. Dan mentally preened himself and slowly pushed aside Amy's skirt. He wanted to watch Amy melt and come under his amazing tongue skills. He imagined she'd be clinging to the shelving units in rapture, but as he looked up, she was totally focused on her phone, rapidly thumbing through something. He stopped his own digital display and stared up at her.

 

Amy's eyes shone as she showed him her phone.“These new poll figures are amazing, Dan. Well, for us. Not so much for you. Hey, I gotta run. We should do this again sometime. Damn, I feel so relaxed!”

Amy slipped her leg from Dan's shoulder and quickly slipped into her underwear, then pulled the door open slightly. She pointed at the tent in his crotch. “Keep a grip on those polls, Dan. Bye.”

Sitting back on his ass, Dan waved as she turned and left, still confused. He smiled. “Fuck. I think I just got played. Kudos, Amy.” He gazed down at his crotch. “Just you and me again, buddy.”

 

A janitor stood in the doorway. “Buddy?”

Dan scrambled up. “Sorry. Important phone call, needed a private place.”

The janitor scowled at Dan. "Please don't jerk off in my office."

"I wasn't! Even if I were, at least I don't do it on air like your pundits." Dan shrugged his jacket back into place, running a hand along his tie to smooth it out.

The janitor nodded and tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Oh, that's right. You were having quite the meltdown out there. I thought I was going to have to mop up the spillage."

Dan huffed in annoyance and walked out with as much dignity as a man with his pants unzipped could under the circumstances, finally letting himself laugh as he rounded a corridor.

He'd have his revenge. Somehow.


End file.
